There are few things in life that would make me happier than being able to live out my fantasy of existing inside a late 80’s or early 90’s beachy television show. I nearly made my Baywatch dreams come true, and now it’s time to go all Miami Vice on my latest find from China’s weirdest little giant shopping site: this awesome mini electric speed boat for one.

Ok, technically it’s not a speed boat.

The manufacturer calls its a “fishing boat/pump boat”, which only half makes sense to me.

And yea, it’s not that fast either. It carries a published top speed of 13 km/h (8 mph). That’s a rousing 7 knots with the stick jammed forward. Maybe I could get 7.1 knots if I skip breakfast.

But what it lacks in speed and maneuverability, it makes up for in sheer weirdness.

It’s got an LED strobe light up top, which I imagine is for warning any faster boats of its sitting duck presence. But I like to imagine that would be my police light as I patrol the waters around Miami.

It’s also got the oddest control system, with a type of handlebar mechanism for the only occupant to hold on to. Wouldn’t want to fall out at a brisk 8 mph!

The handlebars seem to have a couple levers for throttle and rudder control, though to be honest your guess is as good as mine as to the exact inner workings of this thing.

There’s a nice big storage locker built right into the bow, though it’s partly occupied by the 48V 40Ah battery that makes this whole show possible.

The vendors claims that the 1,920 Wh capacity of that battery is good for a runtime of 2-3 hours. Each episode is only an hour long, so that should be plenty of time for me to catch the drug smugglers and gun runners. And they’ll never hear me coming as I silently (and slowly) drift up to them.

I’m not sure where I’d put the bag guys that I apprehend, as there’s really only seating for one. But the 300 kg (660 lb) payload capacity makes me think you could carry a few people if you were all really close friends. Or perhaps 10 of the models in the photo below.

I’m not sure how the little boat can carry 300 kg, though the folding outriggers would certainly lend some stability when loaded to the gunwales.

Speaking of the outriggers, those might be the coolest part of all.

Not only do they add stability, but they’ve got built in wheels to turn this into an amphibious vehicle.

Well, perhaps amphibious vehicle is a bit generous. You can’t actually drive the thing around on land. But the wheels in the outriggers mean you don’t need a trailer to drag the boat from your car to the water’s edge when it’s time to put in.

Check out those hidden wheels below.

Actually, now that I’m looking through these model photos, I think I might have been a bit hasty calling this a single-seater boat.

As our two lovely volunteers demonstrate, you can apparently fit a second soul in the stern.

It doesn’t look like the most comfortable ride, but it seems to work for her.

I’m not sure if all of your friends have the same combination of dexterity and low volume as these ladies, so your mileage may vary.

For the low, low price of just $1,600, this is turning out to be a very practical little two-seater!

I’m just not sure I’ll be able to convince my wife to hit the high seas with me.

Oh well, I guess I can stick to becoming a grizzled old cop who works this beat alone – it wouldn’t be the first time!

Before you go, make sure you check out this awesomely weird little electric boat in action in the video below. It actually seems to work fairly well, though I’m not sure that dog is having the best day out on the water.

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